too prideful. too clever. neither. either.

we touched.

i mean, he touched me on the bared side of my shoulders. on valentine's day. i know. but i could've fainted then and there. and i would if we touched again.

i'll be going out with the cute (and unfortunately available) wnjz this sunday, but only because i really do not know what else i could do to put myself out of this misery wanting EC.

EC's become my daily ritual suicide. i could throw myself out my window now, but because i'm living on the first storey i'd probably just bruise my bum.

your hair's looking nice, your skin's looking radiant, you've started looking better in pictures than you usually do. you're no longer fat and OH BOY WHAT MUSCLES YOU HAVE NOW.
you're looking so fine now i just want to bite myself and bleed.

not good, t.

it's valentine's day today.
i want to stay home and drink a gallon of milk and not laugh for a day and cry.

we carry on, naturally.

but what else would i do except that?
who's listening to me? my walls, my curtains, or the air.
places i once were i am no more.
this growing space, the ailing connection, so faintly forlorn, so lonely.

hello?
hello?
can you hear me?

i met the man i am going to marry on my last train home today.

whatever you wish for, you'll see

i'll go get my ball

these days
there is NOT a word or a sentence that comes out of my mouth
that doesnt end or isnt apostrophized by a profaned abbreviation

ever closed your eyes dreaming that you're the one i'm dreaming of?

my days could last this cold at dawn.
On a lonely night as beautifully weathered as this i could make do with a little more of you.
i could also just make do with your thoughts alone in mine, but i'd be happy too just to know that you think about me.

Oh, hello again.
:)

if you're happy and you know it gimme some money

you've flapped and fluttered against limits long enough
you've been a bird without wings
in a house without doors or windows
compassion builds a door
courage cuts a key
ask,step off into the air
like a baby hawk
strut proudly into the sunlight
not looking back
take sips of this pure wine being poured
don't mind if you've been given a dirty cup
it's nothing.

turn yourself around

Happy first post of 2009. i'm feeling extremely pretty today.

x, T