Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.
—
Bob Marley

wow

wish i could score endorsements and sponsorships as easily as those girls who blog too publicly. ironically i really do not wish to be one of them.

11 people i love and adore, in random order

1. that really old seamstress from my neighbourhood. cos she does such an amazing job altering my clothes for me everytime, and shes so nice and sweet and charges me so little.

2. my hair stylist peter. for knowing my hair better than i do and always making me look like sex.

3. my ex-manicurist jenny. wish i knew where she is now.

4. both my grandmothers but the maternal one more. mahahaha. cos she's the sweetest person in the world who cares for so many people and wouldn't speak the ills of any, but would also scream at me if i ever decide to buy her bottled, processed birds' nest instead of raw expensive ones. aahahahaha

5. my mummy. whos also my best support, my sister, my confidante and my best friend. for takin' 21 years of my rubbish and who would never stop reminding me that i am, in her eyes the most beautiful girl in the world.

6. my brother. who brings out the jolly child from my facade of a maiden and who influences me with little boy things like captain bluebear novels and lovin' wimpykid.. etc. all of which whilst banishing my overt girlyness in tiny portions over our years of growing up together. and who also is the only person in the world who would laugh with me at many things people wouldn't even cough a chuckle for. doesn't matter if it's because we both share a very meaningless sense of humour.

7. zee. whom really i think is the only person in my life who understands and who knows me better than anyone else in the world does. so magic and strange but truly tis' be the man who is my soul-friend.

8. my other half juannie. who thinks he all that smartness and fabulosity but really i am the smarter one. whahahaha. also and most simply for loving me with so much tenderness and honesty. telling me he thinks im fat but buying me ice-cream or allowing me cookies whenever i crave for one. bringing out the best in me with his love and returning to me my lost confidence, helping me see myself in another light with my hair undone and my nails unpainted; that even when bare-faced, unstyled and fresh out of the shower am i still deserving of such a love from this amazing, wonderful man. did i also forget to mention that he is incredibly sexy. kkekekekeke

9. kyer. whos cynism bound,completely pessimistic and downright full of rubbish but also is one of my best life partners stayin' with me thru our times, lol. i love her forever.

10. the best friend alex ong feifei. whom i hope would shed his pounds and get skinny soon
so tht he cld return to his hottie days. and cos hes the most modest, earnest, hardworking i know. who likes to correct me on unnecessary, unimportant things that don't require correction.
oh and also just made me laugh for the 287829472984729047902782th time. nuff'said.

11. alika jiejie. or her cosmetical prowess and for transforming the faces of so many girls and helping them feel good about themselves, including mine.

singapore:
where the sun shines and where nobody really smiles.

plea

sweet heavens,

i am so tired of studying for my degree and working too hard for my money.
so please, won't you grant me my good fortune so that i could live the life i love and never have to work again. Ever.

Thank you.
T

wished i wasn't hating on the world tonight

stationary dimensions

i'm going to bangkok for a 5 day holiday with wj tomorrow.
i hope when i come back that i don't ever have to see my dad again.

also, i cannot help but find the endless fued between blackberry and iphone users immensely annoying. being completely incapable of expressing any feelings of benevolence at this moment, i can only wish the next person who publicly declares the majesty of her mobile to mine dead.

Nothing against your blackberry, fuckhead.

_l_

subway lullaby

one evening from about three weeks ago,
i was tired, lonely, decked in grey and on a train. gloomed by daylight and paled by overwhelming vexation from thoughts of "if i'd make it in time for work today."

i never do.

sitting beside me was a newspaper reading old man who dressed like urban broadway and whom existence i wouldn't think i'd ever care about.

while i was getting up to leave and still on my music player, he turned to me and said "I hope you have a good day". the tone of his voice so full of heart they clapped like happy cannons through my earphones which before so, were playing in my ears music that was so deafeningly sad they could raise a dead.

i smiled.

Ian:
Hey!
How are you?
It's been too long!
Hows it goin?
What have you been up to?

Person X:
Sup

something

i have had absolutely zero incitements to work my blog on.

this is terrible.

i am believing that causes includes my current being in an unlawfully blissful marriage or rather remaining constantly shocked at how much of myself it takes to being a half-heartedly employed workhorse.

i have been feeling so occupied yet deranged that in the past months besides combating acne and thinking of the world as a bitch there have been almost positively nothing i found worth writing about.

right this moment i have a thought and it is so mentally consuming i declare myself paralysed.

clearly if i were to start getting any less boring than this the universe is going to start hating me.

for so i blame myself

lying to yourself doesn't make it any easier.

i suppose my heart's already been taken away but that isn't going to stop me from getting a heart attack before the end of the weekend. I'm no longer even close to being remotely aspirational to whatever remaining consistency there is between my words and what i do. i could be underestimating my head here.

and if you have a mind and it's thinking about watching Watchmen, don't do it.

this silence is killing me too....

dear God of a thousand names.

Please take me to London this summer.
I love you.

Thank You.

xoxo, little t <3

gotta get away from here

i find i can no longer manage. being in company or without. or even just being.
it is as if the only existing trace of my living importance is in this lonesome virtualism.
look, but i'm not even here.

this is a terrible condition with only enough room for one.
no place for co-existence. for faith for liking or even love.

makes my misery now feel like something out of an alaskan love song.

You hope for a thoughtful person who would come along to enable your delusions so that your pain could be briefly forgotten. but what would it make you?

my back hurts and i just want to cry.

somewhere, there are partying pantsies floating..

too prideful. too clever. neither. either.

we touched.

i mean, he touched me on the bared side of my shoulders. on valentine's day. i know. but i could've fainted then and there. and i would if we touched again.

i'll be going out with the cute (and unfortunately available) wnjz this sunday, but only because i really do not know what else i could do to put myself out of this misery wanting EC.

EC's become my daily ritual suicide. i could throw myself out my window now, but because i'm living on the first storey i'd probably just bruise my bum.

your hair's looking nice, your skin's looking radiant, you've started looking better in pictures than you usually do. you're no longer fat and OH BOY WHAT MUSCLES YOU HAVE NOW.
you're looking so fine now i just want to bite myself and bleed.

not good, t.

it's valentine's day today.
i want to stay home and drink a gallon of milk and not laugh for a day and cry.

we carry on, naturally.

but what else would i do except that?
who's listening to me? my walls, my curtains, or the air.
places i once were i am no more.
this growing space, the ailing connection, so faintly forlorn, so lonely.

hello?
hello?
can you hear me?

i met the man i am going to marry on my last train home today.